Conversations and thoughts on gender roles

Had an interesting conversation today about work that got me thinking about gender roles in our society. We were talking about having children. One of the girls I work with no longer wants any more children. She has two already and does not want to have any more so she is having surgery to make sure she doesn't have any more. The guy I was working with said he was to old to raise any more kids. When I mentioned the fact that my future career could have me gone every summer they didn't seem to think that would be an issue. The guy even said "if you're making enough money and the mother is at home..." This blew my mind. I would not feel comfortable trying to have a child if I was not there to help raise the little one. How is a phone call/webcam enough interaction to consider myself a father? It seems like that is all that is expected of a father in a significant portion of society. I just don't get it.

Later in the night I was talking to a very feminist friend and heard something almost as absurd. I was telling her to make her and a mutual friend made sure to make a friend of mine comfortable in a class they have together because my friend had been stressing out. She said it sounded like a "mom" thing to say. When I jokingly pointed out the fact that that was playing to gender roles she said that she would give her daughter a football and have her son bake. While this is all well and good, why is there a push to switch gender roles? In a class I had on gender, one of the readings mentioned how there were archaeologists trying to find a matriarchy to help create a modern one. This is not the way to go about things. Switching what group has power isn't an improvement. There are instances of more egalitarian societies that should be our model. Making men women and women men won't fix anything. If a girl wants to play football (or be really cool and play hockey. Man Kim Martin is an awesome goalie. I hope they really make a WNHL) than by all means, incourage her to be who she wants. But putting a football in her hands and discouraging her from baking will not make the world a better place. Teaching your son how to bake is a usefull skill (and I hear helps in courtship, although it hasn't helped me yet), but keeping him out of sports should not be what you try to do. It seams just as bad to me as forcing him into them. I believe in incoutaging your child to be who they want to be, not forcing them to conform to society or to become an example of changing gender roles. If you teach your child respect, the rest should fall into place. If your son wants to play football and hunt and thinks farts are funny that's fine, what you should be more worried about is how he treats women. If he bakes and crochetts and thinks he's better than women because of it what was gained? If a girl doesn't want to play football and you make her, how does that make her life any better. If she is passionate and wants to play because she enjoys the game, do everything in your power to help her achieve her goals.

Now I understand that we shape who our children are before we have any idea who they will end up being. I know the colors of the room and the toys they have will shape them in ways that we may never fully understand. When we choose an action figure or a doll we are shaping who they will become. I also know that being a parent is tough, probably harder than I even realize because I don't have children of my own (although I have borrowed some from time to time lol) I also realize that there are going to be other influences in the child's life, that you do not have control over all of the images that your child takes in. I guess I'm just ranting, with no real purpose and no real solutions, but that's what blots are for isn't it hahaha

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